Thursday, July 7, 2011

30 Days of Books, Day 15.

What's that you're saying?
Two blog posts?
I'm nutty, whatever. Also, I somehow slept for three hours during the day. This has designated me the role of You Must Wait Up For The Washing Machine To Finish, and while I patiently await the ceasing of metallic whirring, I'll write for you guys.
Bet you're all so grateful.

Also, on the last post there was something known as Percy The Internet Monster Has Been Eating My Formatting With A Side of Worcestershire Sauce. I'll fix that when I wrestle the sauce bottle from Percy and lock him back up where he belongs (which is endlessly tormenting the Bieber fans over on Tumblr).

[Your favourite male character.]
Rockin' one pretty suave intense stare.
Ah, Remus Lupin. How I adore thee.
I first fell in love with your scruffy persona as I reached page 59 in my copy of Prisoner of Azkaban. How could I not? I realise I was only in grade 4 at the time, and could not possibly understand love. But I still loved you. Maybe it was the suitcase, maybe it was the awesomeness of being able to sleep through absolutely anything three teenagers concocted, then continue sleeping while Neville whimpered in the corner, only to wake up as Dementors sailed on through a train. And when you woke up and hoarsely commanded everyone to be quiet, then sent those Dementors packing?
My chubby nine-year-old fingers curled with suppressed glee at the introduction of such a great character.
You continued in exuding excellence for the remainder of your time in the novel. You were the prefect, but still had the touch of mischievousness that classed you as a Marauder. Who could forget your immortal line delivered to Severus Snape, composed on a tattered, magic-filled, parchment map?
Mr Moody presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
Reading about you as a fifteen year old intrigued me. I was probably eleven at the time (awaiting the Hogwarts letter that never came; eight years on, I still live in hope that the owl was perhaps attacked by an eagle - common over here - and never finished the journey), and I'd also just gotten my first notable crush. Don't worry, Lupin, he wasn't nearly as cool as you. He didn't deliver witty comments, post-exam no less, about his werewolf status:
"Give five signs that identify the werewolf... think I [managed to get all the signs]," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit crowds. "One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin."
I'll admit it - hearing about Nymphadora Tonks' interest in you made me a little queasy. Not that she's a bad person, of course. It was just at that moment that I had to learn some hard truths.
Namely, that you and I were not to be.
How could I compete? Not only could she have shocking pink hair and purple eyes, she could also transform into whoever you wanted her to be. I, unfortunately, had the power only to lose weight, and even that was something I did begrudgingly. And she was an Auror. I, meanwhile, was a high schooler who worked part time in a bookstore.
One thing seems cooler than the other.

Anyway, then your cowardice made you seem more human. My unrequited love didn't falter; I still waited in the wings, lurking about in case you decided that Tonks was too high maintenance with the hair-changing and the child-bearing (such a nuisance) and that you needed someone simple.
Of course, you died. That put the kibosh on our wedding plans more than you going back to Tonks did.

However, before you died, you managed to have some Lupin babies with Tonks. Teddy Lupin.
... sorry, Lupin. You'll always be my favourite, but I think I'm going to romantically pursue your son (in the most literary of ways). You don't mind, do you?

Notes to this post:

  • I am not really in love with Lupin. At least, I'm fairly sure I'm not. I haven't fallen in love with a literary character before as I believe such a thing is physically impossible. Then again, in this world people also marry segments of the Berlin Wall. ["To the world, the Berlin Wall was a symbol of oppression. To Eija, it's her husband."] Regardless, this post is purely in the name of lulz and whatnot, and so if you stumble on this post - feel free to regard me as a lunatic. Just... not for being in love with Lupin.
  • But Lupin still is my favourite character.
  • I still have not gotten over David Thewlis being cast as Lupin. Worst casting choice ever, guys. I'm sure Mr Thewlis is perfectly agreeable, but LUPIN WAS MEANT TO BE AMAZING IN ALL WAYS. This included the whole smoulderfactor. 
  • However, I believe Luke Newberry as Teddy was absolutely inspired, and for that, casting directors, you are forgiven a thousandfold.
Well, the wash has finished. 
Goodnight, and I hope my rambles amuse.

EDIT: You must read that article. It is fascinating. Confusing beyond all belief - I don't think I really want to know how one has a 'full, loving relationship' with a wall - but... it's certainly a read.

POST DH2 EDIT: I officially revoke all forgiveness, David Yates. You took away my Teddy Lupin. Not only did you kill Lupin (okay, that's JKR's fault, but... you could have made him not try and hold Tonks's hand, make it easier on all the Lupin fangirls), but you got me all excited about Luke Newberry AKA Perfect Teddy Lupin, and then? "Oh. Right. Uh, I'll put him on the DVD for you. I think. Soz."
Uncool, David Yates. You made me sadfaced.

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