If you're in Australia, it's Tuesday.
(My American readers, I have no idea what your crazy time zone is doing, but I'm sure it's going swimmingly and that the past hasn't changed much. The future is pretty darn swell.)
I digress; it is currently Tuesday, and I have a 3000 word draft due on Thursday.
My current total of words is sitting at, ahem, 0.
BUT THIS IS TOTALLY FINE.
I mean, it's completely reasonable to procrastinate, right? Doesn't my best work come from procrastination? Well, I wouldn't know otherwise, it's sort of hard to remember back when I was studious, but I'm pulling fairly decent marks and such and - oh man I'm screwed.
Anyway, because I'm screwed, I figured I'd write you a post which will probably total 3000 words of drivel.
Things that I have been doing to procrastinate:
Trying on jeans that fit me when I was basically a twig.
It happened once, I was a twig. I lived where there were massive hills and lots of steps and I was poor so I rarely ate.
Result, 10 kg dropping off.
I put said 10kg on again when I moved down home (because at home, parents pay for food and you forget that this food is a regularly occurring thing so you eat ALL the food out of fear it's your last good meal ever and you'll be back to eating microwaved puff pastry), and have probably lost five kg if I examine photos. I am scared of scales, so I wouldn't actually know.
Anyway, I ran up and down the stairs in our house 20 times each way today. It was a feat of skill and excellence, and one that has my legs cramping just thinking about it. For some reason, I think I must have thought it meant that the last five kilos would simply admit defeat and storm out of the place.
I can fit into the jeans better than I did before, though my gosh, my black jeans that were too small for me when I bought them?
NEVER AGAIN. Far out, and I used to rue the CorsetJean then.
I have also discovered that I no longer like bootcut jeans, and am extremely grateful for my straights and vaguely skinny jeans for their ability to go well with heels.
I have also had a stern talking to my hips, and have politely asked them to start storing their excess baggage somewhere less noticeable, like my ears or perhaps on someone else's body.
Dancing around to The Jezabels
I say that as though I have many of their songs, but I really don't. I have Hurt Me and nothing more. Does my listening to Sigur Ros make me any less of a musical pariah? Apparently the abundance of Aqua and Simple Plan in my iTunes playlist is something I should be ashamed of.
So dancing around to the Jezabels is a lot of fun, until you dance past a mirror and realise you look like you're strangling a monkey. I apologise, airmonkeys, for continuing anyway. I also apologise for the rampant punching of your airhabitat, but the song demanded it.
Trying on all the shoes in your cupboard
I have some extremely high heels, and they are fantastic.
However, I think my wardrobe has changed slightly and the shoes no longer suit.
I would use this as an excuse to buy new clothes and/or shoes, but apparently I have bought enough dresses recently and I should probably take out shares in Bardot to make up for my spending (okay, I bought two dresses, but if I can make money on it I should do it).
If anyone has a saucy dress that could go with khaki heels, send it along to me. 10 and I get along.
Also, military boots of any variety are pretty much on fun-par with pirate boots. Get ye some of them boots.
Watching things with Nathan Fillion
So new episode of Castle came out yesterday/today/some day. I watched it today.
SWEET BISCUITS THAT WAS BRILLIANT.
Simmy, one of my lovely pals, tells me that this is the last episode this season (if I was good at things I'd know this myself, but that's what friends are for - succeeding where I crawl under tables). This isn't so good, but it did prompt me to finally start watching Firefly. And what a good show Firefly is.
Aw, man, now I want to watch Doctor Horrible.
Downloading Doctor Horrible Soundtrack to accompany the blitherings
I can't really comment on this, because I've just started doing it. But I imagine it'll be legend- wait for it - DARY.
See what I did there?
... did I even do anything there besides make a really terrible NPH reference? No. I did not. Let's all pretend that totally made sense, mmkay?
Oh man, I just said mmkay. Twice.
But speaking of NPH references, this Avengers-slash-HIMYM post is just gold.
Glaring at every other book on your bookshelf
Well, why shouldn't I? They had the resolve to write 3000 words. Heck, they wrote more than that. Then they had the resolve to get the flipping thing published.
This is the point where I just fall flat on the floor, my legs mutiny after being forced up the stairs too many times, and the Alsatians come for me. Trina, Nick and Glen should expect this as a thing. I will be dead by morning (I think the Alsatians will find me quickly; no three-week wait here. I'm a despondent uni student going into a career where deadlines are a thing and procrastination is not. Oh gosh, I'm screwed.)
Try and find the Bridget Jones screenshot of the Alsatians
Just for reference, it doesn't exist.
I WILL MAKE IT EXIST.
Finally realise that downloading All The Movies doesn't make the essay appear.
Can I just go to sleep instead? It seems more logical.
Darn it, it's a story, not an essay. Your future career in words and non-procrastination (there's a word for that, isn't there? Gah!) is looking bleak.
I sincerely hope that any future employer sees this post and goes, "She's a funny one!" rather than phoning Richmond Clinic and asking could they please prep the straitjacket.
Resort to washing up.
When all else fails, there's always dishes to be washed.